Below is the story of Fiona Hui, Little Feet of Grace Ministry’s founder:
September 6, 2017. I went to my regular check up with my sister in the hospital where I was going to delivery my baby. Everything went well and Doctor said, “Your son is so handsome. Please prepare and he will come out very soon. It is time to prepare your bag to go to the hospital. Please come if you feel any signs of delivery.”
I was given the most clear 3D pictures of my baby and I couldn’t wait to share them with my husband. My husband was so happy and tried to send to other people by text–but the texts bounced back “unsuccessful” for some reason. Anyway, it was my happiest day in my life.
My sister and I went to celebrate the good report, eating at a nearby shop. I went home around 4pm and showed my parents the lovely pictures I got from the doctor—and new clothes I purchased. I was browsing about schools for my precious little one and took a nap afterwards. After I woke up at about 6 or 7 pm, I didn’t feel any big movement my little one. I told myself, “he must be tired and might have no space to move now,” since I heard that fetuses would move less at the end of 3rd trimester. I had dinner and told my husband through text to New York that the baby was “quiet.” He surmised, “Baby is preparing for his special journey, he is resting up.” I enjoyed my night with my parents and played with my tablet until 9pm or 10pm– still none of the usual movements.
I went to bed and talked to baby, as I often did: “Mom has to sleep now. Can you please kick me so I can know you are ok?” Just then I felt few movements or kicks. I fell asleep after. That night was not particularly restful, although I went to sleep for long time. I didn’t get wake up at 3am to eat (my normal routine). I had a strange, uncertain feeling.
I woke at 11am and told my parents my concerns. I ate a little, still could not feel my baby. He normally woke up at 1pm during lunch, so I waited and still nothing. I decided to go to the hospital after lunch. When I was on the minibus to the lunch venue, I was praying to have guidance from God and opened my Daily Bread bible study, the message was “The Ministry of Mourning!”. At that moment, I closed the app immediately and said to God “What do you mean?” I couldn’t have my lunch at all and went straight to the hospital.
They sent me to the delivery department directly and check my baby’s heartbeat. At the beginning, it was hard for them to locate the heartbeats, eventually they found a heartbeat—but was mine (Mom’s alone!). After one machine, and the other machine, they couldn’t find my baby’s heartbeat. A nurse even went outside to prepare for delivery but a supervisor stopped her. At the end, the doctor came and did the check up again. He announced that “I am sorry. We can’t find baby’s heartbeat.”
I was shocked but quiet. I just didn’t know how to react. Everything was perfect 24 hours ago in the same hospital and suddenly a nightmare arrived. I just wanted to protect my parents and didn’t want them to know. I could only call my sister and then my husband.
I told my husband who was back in NY [I was in my native Hong Kong]. “Paul, I am sorry. The baby died and I couldn’t protect him. I am so sorry!” My husband just responded to me “Fiona, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.” He said so it so many times and scheduled his flight to Hong Kong from New York immediately.
I was so lost but didn’t know how to cry. I told the doctor that I would wait for my husband to come and make the decision how to deliver the baby. They said that it would have to be done soon to protect my health.
My Dad rushed to the hospital with my baby stuff and preparing to see his grandson. I waited for my sister and some close church friends to arrive. The doctor told my family about what happened. I really had no courage to tell my parents. The had been working so hard to take care of me and my special one.
Within 20 hours, Sept 8, 2017, my husband arrived. He held me and said he loved me again. We looked at the sonogram again and baby didn’t move, again. It was the last time we saw him on the screen.
The doctor decided to induce me and asked me to do natural birth. He said it would be best for my body. It took me two days in the delivery room and still nothing happened. The nurse said you might consider C-section, so you didn’t have to suffer too long with the dead baby staying inside of you. After the prayers from the hospital pastor, my family and my sisters from Church, a miracle happened: I started to feel there was a piece of cloth covering my body and started shaking. I felt the Holy Spirit was with me and started to labor. The nurse said “no way! You didn’t have any dilation 5 mins ago. Suddenly, I felt the pop sound and my water broke. I dilated from 0 to 10 within 10 mins, doctor was called and baby came out in 30 mins. I experienced the 10 degree pain for about 10 mins and gave birth a beautiful about 7 pound silent boy.
We held him and were still happy to see his beautiful features which were similar to ours. We had a Christian service for him right after my delivery. I sang and pastor came to pray for us. I had peace and felt God’s presence.
This experience bought my husband and I closer to God and each other. My husband has become a more gentle and patient man. We learned to trust in Him even more. We learned that many things, especially life and death are exclusively under God’s control.
For me, after the tragedy began an period of restoration. I turned to God, my husband, my church and Christian counseling. When I returned to New York, I sought a support group and was surprised to find there was no Christ-centered groups to offer biblical wisdom for parents of stillborn children.
“The Ministry of Mourning” kept ringing in my head. In 2018, we decided to set up this ministry to help parents in our situation: to give them individual and group support, professional counseling, spiritual education in Christ and share our experiences.